It was
the first week of summer, and though Joan and Marie had only started hanging
out at the beginning of May, they had spent hours together every day since the
last day of sixth grade. This morning, they sat on the hot sidewalk outside of
the 7-11 where Marie’s mother had dropped them off half an hour before. They
were laughing and joking, drinking cola and eating candy Joan had purchased
from the convenience store with the last of the money she had earned for the
grades she had brought home on her final report card. As Joan looked down to take
her phone out of her brand-new purse to prove her conversational point, Marie
glanced sidelong at her. Trying to assess
how far she might be able to push Joan today, Marie began thinking through what
she would tell Gina on the phone tonight about today’s exploits.
Joan
looked relaxed, and carefree as she scrolled through the YouTube videos on her
smartphone, and Marie felt the now familiar pang of jealousy at the many things
Joan seemed to take for granted – her designer jeans, Kate Spade purse with
matching wallet, and of course, her iPhone. Joan paused her search for the
video she had been quoting to Marie to read a text from her dad and
respond. Marie bit back a sarcastic
comment and filed it away to tell Gina before Joan finally found what she was
looking for and handed her phone over. Marie
turned up the volume to hear the video properly and adjusted her view of the
screen against the glare of the sun. Although it was only mid-morning, the
temperature had already climbed above 80 degrees, and the sidewalk was just shy
of becoming an uncomfortably hot surface for their sugary picnic. Her mind made up, Marie handed the phone back
and said casually, “I’m out of candy. Go grab us a pack of gum.”
Joan laughed,
unconcerned and said, “I don’t have any more money, remember?”
“You
don’t need money to grab a pack of gum,” Marie prompted.
Joan
laughed again, apparently at first thinking her friend was kidding. But she
suddenly grew quiet when she saw the hard gaze Marie had deliberately frozen on
her face. Joan began shaking her head, slowly at first. But as the echo of her initial laughter faded
away, the color drained from her face. Joan gingerly set her cola can down on
the sidewalk. She kept her hand on it
much longer than necessary, as if to ensure it would remain balanced on the
smooth, flat surface. Joan opened her
mouth and drew in a breath as if to speak, but then closed it again. She began to shake her head more vigorously
this time. “I can’t do that,” she
finally managed to whisper.
Marie
was pretty sure she knew the feeling, the knots that must be forming in Joan’s
stomach, just like the ones she had felt the first time she had shoplifted with
Gina. Her hand went unconsciously to an earlobe where she had happily inserted
that first pair of stolen earrings earlier that morning. She forced the thought away, and as had
become her habit when she felt doubtful about how she treated Joan, refocused
her mind on the memory of Joan’s first day at school.
Joan’s
designer clothes and accessories made her stand out from the moment she stepped
foot on campus right after spring break.
But there was something more than her family’s obvious wealth. Joan had an easy, genuine smile and an air of
confidence, of being comfortable with herself, that Marie envied more than her
material possessions. By the end of the
first week she was already easily sliding in and out of different social groups
and cliques of tight knit girls. Gina had been as irritated by Joan, if not more
than Marie was, and together they made up several very rude, very negative
stories to explain why Joan had switched schools just months before the end of
the year. After a month of watching Joan
from afar, and constantly complaining about her, Gina had convinced Marie it
would be funny for her to pretend to be Joan’s friend but really work to make
little miss perfect a little less perfect.
Although the entire plan had been Gina’s idea, Marie was the one who
ended up executing it.
It had
been very easy to befriend Joan. Asking
how she liked her new school and new town at lunch one day was all it
took. Marie had easily become someone
Joan sought out between classes, and after a week Marie was invited to spend
her after school hours at Joan’s house rather than home alone waiting for her
mom to get home from work.
Marie
clenched her jaw at the pang of guilt that had suddenly and unexpectedly fired
in her gut. She set down her own can of cola.
Before she could lose her nerve altogether, Marie fixed her gaze on
Joan’s eyes, knowing she could make the other girl buckle to her demand, and
said simply, “I like Hubba Bubba.”
When
Joan made no move to get up Marie picked her can back up and took a sip while
maintaining eye contact with her before deliberately turning her back. Joan
stood slowly then, and Marie knew she had won as she watched the other girl
walk back through the sliding glass doors glancing nervously at the cashier as
she made her way toward the gum display. Marie could tell Joan was nervous,
spotting her hands trembling and noticing her stiff movements even from several
yards away, through the glass storefront. Marie had a sudden worry that Joan’s
anxiety would tip off the cashier, and she would be caught, which only added to
the sense of guilt that had been building since she had suggested the other
girl shoplift. Marie turned her back on the storefront and told herself it
would be extremely funny if Joan was caught and thought of how gleeful Gina
would be to hear Joan had started her summer with a run in with the cops. She focused her thoughts on Gina’s happy
laughter and was nearly successful in pushing away the pangs of guilt.
When
Joan returned several minutes later she was empty handed. Marie suddenly felt
the heat of the hot sun beating down on her bare arms and felt sweat beading up
along her hairline. Joan deliberately kicked over the cans of soda and quietly
but clearly said, “I’m tired of being the butt of your jokes and I refuse to
allow you to push me around anymore.” Then she strode toward her father’s car,
which had just pulled into the parking lot. Marie knew Joan would never
consider her a friend again, and a wave of loneliness washed over her as the
car pulled out onto the main road. Marie sat on the curb watching the last of the
brown syrupy liquid drip over the edge of the sidewalk and run down the gradual
incline into the gutter. The sweet smell
of the cola was suddenly sickening as she thought of Gina’s smirk that never
quite turned into a genuine smile. For a fleeting moment she wished she had
Joan’s courage, but she shoved the thought away, knowing she would never be
able to stand up to Gina. Marie had already thought of the spin she would put
on the event when she talked to Gina later, and started rehearsing the words in
her head as she began her long, lonely walk home, “I can’t believe it! She
chickened out at the last second!”
